If you identify as a seeker, the presumption is that there is something you are looking for, somewhere you’re hoping to get to? From the outset, the assumption would be that it is not already here. Oh, and that you are going to find it. Added onto that assumption is the possibility that there is something that you can or must do to get there—that you are driving the search?
There is an age-old debate: There is nothing you can do, vs the Practice/Process model. This post does not attempt to resolve that seeming paradox. However, it might be asked if the “path” you are on, whether it involves going to satsang, reading books, meditating, or going on retreat (all of these are activities in which the author has engaged), does this behavior reinforce the perception that there is an actual self, person, or separate entity who is in control of this apparently directional activity?
Just ask. Who is in charge? Don’t answer with the mind. And perhaps you’ll know if the mind is attempting to answer if a random “Yeah, but…” comes up. Yes but, so and so meditated for 30 years…and then you are back in the unresolvable paradox treadmill. Get off the wheel and simply ask, rather than when is (fill in the blank with whatever teacher comes to mind) coming to town? Look in your direct experience: Can you actually find this character that is running the show?