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Diary of a So-Called Facilitator

In the beginning…there was a facilitator…who wanted to get it right, wanted to help. Fairly soon, the facilitator disappeared, along with any sense of personal agency, any intention of getting it right or wrong, and most surprisingly, the audacity of “wanting to help.”

Then there was the experience of no facilitator or facilitated, only a spirit of willingness engendered. But still, there seemed to be “results.” Eventually, results also fell by the wayside, were rendered absurd. To paraphrase an old Chinese parable, “Results; no results, who’s to say?”

Then there was the experience of “God dressed in drag,” with every new face that showed up on the Skype screen. There was no longer the one who had-it-then-lost-it, or the one who is working through the core story, and so on. There was only the One Thing, showing up in various costumes. Distinctions fell away “out there.”

Now (only always now), there is no one left, “out there” to talk to. The one who used to think she was a facilitator is talking to no one but OneSelf, like a hologram, but not quite. Just talking happening; listening, too. Faces blur; awareness shines through. Appearances come and go.

The inquiries dissolve appearances. Not to belabor the obvious (is it?), but unfindable means there’s nothing here, nothing there. Nothing. But the movie projector keeps on rolling, much to the spectator’s delight.

A whole lotta nothing going on.

“God looked upon everything he had made, and he was very pleased.”

Look, now, and be very pleased. Rest as the looker and the looked upon.

 

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The Unfindable Inquiry as an Incredibly Efficient Tool

After participating as both facilitater and facilitated, many, many times, I’ve come to see that it is almost indescribable how incredibly powerful the inquiry is as a transformational tool. I am continually and increasingly amazed at the efficacy of meeting and seeing through every kind of circumstance, emotion, identification—heck, there isn’t anything that can’t be rendered transparent or unfindable. It is a way of bringing awareness itself to the task at hand, whatever that may be.

And bringing presence to bear is the key to all of it. Addiction? Neither the addict nor the one with willpower to quit can be found. Surrender to that higher power. Relationship issues? The issues themselves are unfindable, but allowing presence to meet the emotions engendered changes everything. Money as a problem? It’s not the money, nor the value of objects, people, or services at issue, but the inability, if not the impossibility, of being positional on matters of value or worth. If that sounds strange or counterintuitive, try looking for the unworthy and/or the valuable. All such distinctions disappear in the gentle light of inquiry.

After sitting with what seemed to be a very uncomfortable sensation with another facilitator recently, it was amazing to watch the mind try to add drama, story, labels, and self-importance over and over again to what was ultimately only a sensation that came and went. The surprising thing was that what showed up didn’t necessarily seem like a loving presence. It felt completely impersonal. A friend recently described the inquiry as “efficient.” That nails the way the experience unfolded. It’s like the homeostasis of the body, an incredibly efficient system. I had an image of white blood cells, hands to imaginary mouths, crying, “Oh, no!” and rushing off in a panic to the nearest point of infection. The body doesn’t work that way. Life doesn’t work that way. In this, the inquiries are effective in the same way that a completely calm nurse or EMT enters into a catastrophic situation. It’s get ‘er done, without much fanfare. That kind of equanimity is a rare kind of love.
Much Ado About Nothing ~ Shakespeare

 

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Staying With Subtlety

Let what comes come;
Let what goes go.
Find out what remains

~Ramana Maharshi

 Allow the next thought or the next feeling arise…then watch it fall away…add nothing to what is left in that quiet space. That subtle nothingness, the stillness and silence that follows the falling away of thought is a very powerful place to be. Linger there awhile.

It is so obvious when seen, but so subtle that we simply overlook it. Feelings and thoughts trump what is present without fanfare in an almost unconscious instantaneous dismissal. That? That’s nothing. Nothing is happening there. Look again. What is that? Can you stay there, in love and curiosity, long enough to find out?

It is only “nothing” to the mind. Experience that, rather than try to think about it, name it, or describe it. It is intimately familiar, yet totally foreign in the land of my thoughts and my feelings.

If we overlook this experience in favor of intense feelings and juicy thoughts, we spend a lifetime in bondage to those feelings and thoughts, believing they tell us who we really are. That expansive bliss; that gut-wrenching grief–that is mine. That is me.

Is it? Do not those experiences come and go? What remains between thoughts and feelings? Our identity is firmly maintained by memories (images), thoughts (words), and feelings (sensations). The point of these inquiries is to deconstruct those three elements, and ultimately see that they don’t hold together; they really don’t add up to a “me.”

We are literally addicted to our thoughts and our feelings. Are you willing to let go of the need to think about your experience? Thoughts come up. Must they be believed? Are you willing to rest for a moment without the next emotional fix? Feelings arise. Must we attempt to dwell in the “good” ones, or avoid, and even revel, in the “bad” ones? There is an untapped gold mine in that place (wherever “that place” is, whatever you want to call it), revealing a richness far beyond the gem of a thought that must be believed, or the feeling that thrills for a moment.

Give attention to that subtle instant like you would to a shy child in a noisy world. It is a doorway to an immensity that takes you far beyond the need for emotional or mental fireworks of any kind. Feels like…Home.

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On Accepting Donations for the Inquiry

There is and has always been a great deal of discussion, intense, identity-charged argument actually, around the issue of charging money for—whatever you want to call this. I wouldn’t call what we’re doing with the inquiries offering “enlightenment” services, or dharma, or truth. or freedom. Again, whatever you want to call it, if you’re involved in the nondual community, you’ll know what the arguments are.

  • No one should have to pay for freedom, the truth, etc.
  • Teachers, Facilitators, Healers, etc. need to pay the bills, too.
  • Give freely what is freely available to all.
  • If the service is valued, then payment is given accordingly.
  • Get a job, Son. The truth will take care of itself.
  • Do you as a facilitator value your own time?

There are differing opinions on how this plays out amongst teachers, facilitators, and healers themselves. After careful and heartfelt consideration there is no place for me to hang my hat on this one. Can’t say “money is only energy,” or “the truth is not for sale,” or even “the universe will provide,” with any certainty, because I don’t have a handle on truth in this, or any other matter, and opinions are of dubious substance if not ultimately divisive and tend towards the realm of separation.

I could say, “I don’t have or make very much money,” but how much I have or make is not anybody else’s problem. And how much I, or you, have to spend is relative and subject to change. And when it comes to money, there’s no telling how much is enough. Sometimes the rent gets paid, sometimes that can’t be achieved—such is the case for both providers and clients.

I could say, “An hour of my time has value,” but the relativity of that statement is immediately apparent, is it not? There is no fixed, no gold standard for services of this kind, and value is in most cases could or should be more accurately determined by the recipient rather than those who offer the service.

So the policy here, lightly held, is that donations are welcomed to the extent that you, the “consumer,” value not only the service provided, but in direct proportion to the value you place on your own time, a statement or commitment to your own investment in the experience. “No one will be turned away due to inability to pay,” is the standard set by Scott and the Living Realization crew, and is, and always has been, upheld here. It’s your call. Let the argument be settled in your own heart; and may your own pocketbook and heart, be full–irrespective of what is decided there.

Feel free to weigh in on the conversation. Comments are always welcome.