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Beyond Compulsion

I don’t know what is true. I can only describe what the experience is from here. All the following sentences should begin with, “It seems as if,” simply to get the what-is-true thing off the table.

There is this inquiry we’re calling the Compulsion inquiry (CI). Since undergoing and working on this inquiry with Scott Kiloby, there have been significant perceptual, physiological, behavioral, and psychological shifts.

Perceptually, there is more beauty in this world than ever realized. I seem to want to take a picture, or simply stare at, everything. It’s all intricate, fascinating, perfectly stunning. Even pond scum warranted a few moments of amazed appreciation. Can’t seem to find an ugly or a plain face.

Physiologically, tension seems a curious memory. A jaw that felt clenched for millennia has to be grasped with the hand to make sure it’s really there. I must say though, these contractions had to be felt, or brought to the fore, before relaxing. So a kind of tightness was experienced first, more than once, in places I had never thought about much.

Behaviorally, I still smoke an occasional cigarette, but the need, the frantic puffing and sucking is absent. If there are no cigarettes around, there’s about as much hurry to go buy more as I would hurry to buy bananas. I like bananas, but running out of them is not a problem. As a matter of fact, I saw that there were 2 cigarettes left in a pack sticking out of my purse as I was driving yesterday. I passed umpteen gas stations during that drive, and never stopped to buy another pack. I just enjoyed the drive, windows open to this glorious fall day. Perhaps only a fellow smoker would understand that kind of nonchalance in regard to cigarettes.

A couple of times recently, I made myself a drink—but then never drank the thing. When I walked passed the full glass wherever I had left it later, I ended up pouring it down the sink. That’s not to say I won’t ever drink. It’s just that the making-but-not-drinking is a peculiar thing to report. And I have ordered one at a restaurant, yet felt no compulsion to drink it. And curiouser and curiouser–I eat when hungry, and don’t have to finish what is in front of me. Snacking doesn’t happen, seemingly because there’s no edge, no gnawing need for more or something else.

Psychologically, up until very recently, there was this certainty, this oft regaled story of being overextended, coupled with the feeling of being exhausted. This thought was believed: “There isn’t enough time in the day, or enough energy, to do what needs to be done. One person can only do so much.” Now, it’s the seeing that there are things to be done. Some get done. Some don’t. My barely perceptible jaw drops at the simplicity of that realization, and the flood of relaxation and rejuvenation that follows. There is no such thing as “too much.” And any sense of personal agency is an error of perception.

Another amazing, and recent discovery is that annoyance is a totally unnecessary precursor to a movement away. When the word “choice” is replaced by “movement,” annoyance becomes an add-on to any experience. Try this on: people are neither inherently annoying or engaging, there is simply movement towards or away from, with seemingly no one choosing the flow, like colorful tropical fish swimming around the tank. Annoyance can still happen, but it’s now seen as an elective response.

And as a bonus, look to see if there is a command anywhere, in any thought, that says “follow me,” or “believe this.” Thoughts about ourselves, the situation, or the world, do not come with a mandate to be believed. If thoughts were trains coming and going through a station, let it be seen that there is no conductor shouting out “all aboard!” Not even thoughts about non duality, or shoulds, or declarations of love, or those pesky ones that tell us what is wrong with us, have a seal of approval stamped upon them, insuring their authenticity and reliability. They needn’t be the gold standard by which we live our lives.

So essentially, there is this overall sensation of being a relaxed, content, human being that alternately engages in movement and rest; adjectives optional. There’s very little conflict or tension, but both are allowed. The thing is, there is a sense of fun, of play, relief (!), and joy, in all of this. What am I missing? Oh, yeah—this kind of talk can be seriously annoying.

To whom is this all happening, or where is this experience occurring right now? Ha! That’s the kicker. Try and find me.

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Homeostasis and Compulsive Behavior

In trials using the Compulsion Inquiry (CI), it has been observed that addiction and compulsive behaviors have a lot to do with the body functioning as a homeostatic organism, not just in regard to physical well-being, i.e. temperature regulation and fevers, but energetically as well. It’s as if there is a baseline, which in this case appears to be rest, relaxation, and ultimately what we might call peace. When we get excited, we drink, we smoke, have sex, or we might engage in other stabilizing activities. When we’re upset, and this is clearly the case—we eat, we fidget and pace, all the above, and so on.

There is an often unquestioned assumption that the drink, the cigarette, the sex, or the piece of cake causes this relaxation response. We come to believe that we must do something, anything, to get back to “normal,” or rest, relaxation, and peace. And when we’re low energetically, i.e. boredom, we feel the need to get high, or higher. Thus we eat sweets, take drugs, look at porn, or go shopping, or bungee-jumping. Even joy and bliss can seem like “too much,” at times, so we do/eat/smoke something to take it down a notch.

Self medicating is nothing new, but to look at the energetic component, and to see there is this ongoing need to stabilize, is to make conscious this unconscious regulating mechanism. Find the baseline that exists independent of any substance or activity, and the whole roller coaster slows down to a pleasant rhythm, if not to a different beat entirely. That beat is the natural state, calling all to dance to a primordial pulse. The relaxation point discovered in the CI points this this natural state, experienced independent of substance and/or activity.

Note that it is the body that is homeostatic in its natural tendency towards wellbeing. It is a balancing act only for the presumed self. The self, or supposed doer, is the unconscious aspect—that which appears to act for its own immediate “gratification,” and only appears to have some control over what is otherwise a natural process. Peace is the body’s instinctive objective. The fictional self, in play, turns this natural tendency into a comic/tragic display of Charlie Chaplinesque antics to the contrary.

Compulsion Inquiry sessions will be widely available on or before October 1st . They are being offered now on a limited basis. And of course, as always, that which is purely conceptual can only be experienced, and is not offered or expected to be accepted as true.

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The Compulsion Inquiry~Self as Contraction, Manifesting as Compulsion

Over at Living Realization, we’ve been working on a new form of inquiry specifically designed to address addiction and compulsive behavior. It’s called the Compulsion Inquiry (CI). Scott Kiloby’s book on addiction, Natural Rest, will be out in a few months, and all is revealed expertly there, so without going into a lengthy description here, there is an aspect that is of particular interest in regard to the unfindable self.

In brief, first we look for the command to use, or engage in the compulsive behavior, in images, words, and bodily sensations. For instance, the image of a cigarette, or even the cigarette itself—Where is there a command to smoke in either the image or even the cigarette in your hand? We go through all possible associations with the behavior, even looking at a clock, the place where the behavior occurs, and other triggers, like smoking with a morning cup of coffee. No command can be found anywhere.

Then it can be seen that when an urge or a craving arises, there is an almost fleeting, flash image of the act itself, like a “ghost image” of the activity already happening. When this image is seen, really looked at, prior to using, the craving miraculously seems to disappear, or is simply forgotten.

In addition to looking for the command, it is usually the case that when someone attempts to curb any form of compulsive behavior or addiction, there is often a period of abstention that is achieved, in part, by a subtle but often unconscious agreement made to use or engage in the behavior in the future. There is usually an image of the behavior—we actually see ourselves doing it—but more importantly, there is also a physical sensation that is associated with this promise we make to ourselves. It is similar to a barely noticeable relaxation that happens when, for instance, we have come to a decision about something. For most, the discovery of this point of relaxation is a discovery of the sweetest peace imaginable. This is not a fleeting experience engendered by a substance or activity, this peace. This relaxation response is the natural state, hence the title, Natural Rest. It is the complete allowance, complete agreement with what is experienced physically, and this allowance, this rest, is not dependent upon anything external—no substance, no activity required—nor is it something to seek for in the future. It’s right here, right now, always. It is the experience of the end of seeking.

“…feelings and good times are temporary energies. They arise and fall, providing no ultimate or final relief. This question is asking what you’re ultimately seeking from the thing. This requires you to look a little deeper. Beyond the experience of temporary energies such as pleasure, something else happens when you attain what you’re seeking: The seeking energy relaxes for a moment. As that energy dies, presence reveals itself naturally. Present rest is synonymous with peace and contentment.” ~ Scott Kiloby, Natural Rest

The point of relaxation reveals that the self is often felt as a barely perceptible bodily contraction. People can have the clearest seeing of no self, of oneness, yet this contraction remains or recurs, albeit slightly to barely detectable. Thus, there can be great clarity, but forms of compulsion persist.

“…there is a core type of grasping…it is our most rudimentary sense of self…It is that grasping and contracting around which all the other senses of self are constructed…awakening is the sudden releasing of this grasping in the gut. There’s no guarantee that the grasping will stay released; it may grab hold again.” ~ Adyashanti

“The body is a warehouse in which all our hurts, rejections, failures, fears and resentments are stored, long after thinking has forgotten them…It is these layers of tension and contraction that obscure the natural transparency and openness of the body and give the impression that a separate, inside self is in residence…These may be dormant much of the time but may also be triggered for irrational reasons at unexpected times, and betray in us, over and over again, the residues of a separate inside self.” Rupert Spira

Thus far, in our limited trials using the CI, feedback seems to indicate that this innate physiological grasping is at the root of compulsive behavior. The unconscious grasp within produces grasping, seeking without. Beyond the implications of reducing, if not completely eradicating compulsive and addictive behavior, it has been reported and experienced as an overall diminishment of this sense of a separate self. With the relaxation of this contraction, overall compulsion and the sense of separation relax as well.

Addiction then, could be viewed as a significant portal not only to the recognition of the residual self that remains (in theory), as well as the dissolution of both the behavior, and the root of its persistence. The Compulsion Inquiry is a radical approach to recovery. The good news is, the impact of this work goes far beyond the curbing of addiction and release from compulsive behaviors. It potentially reveals, and subsequently undermines, the sense of separation at its core.

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Psychologizing…Too Much?

There is a way of looking, or adding onto the experience while looking, that can in fact intensify the energetic component. At a certain level (using the term as a way of speaking about this, but not assuming), stories can come up, Velcroed to bodily sensations, and then one jumps to the conclusion that something has been found. For instance, an image of Mom or Dad, or a small bewildered child is seen, and the body sensation can get very powerful. If one looks at the image, and watches the mind add the words, “core wound,” or “unresolved childhood issue,” or any psychological, conceptual overlay, there can be a kind of unseen dramatization of something that is much simpler.

There is some usefulness in seeing these images as a way to unhook them from a larger deficiency story. In other words, once seen the impact is diminished, and the belief in the power of the tragic story loses its appeal. So the childhood images come up, unbidden. It happens all the time. Just look. And listen to the words. Can we let them go and just experience what’s happening as it is, without this overlay? The simplicity lies just underneath that complexity.

 The inquiries are not therapy, not psychological shovels. They are a way of seeing through these age-old assumptions. I am this way because…It is an argument with the past, fighting with ghosts, and ultimately reaffirms separation and suffering.

It is a tremendous relief to be freed from the idea that the past irrevocably warped us in some way, and then to take that a step further, unencumbered by family or relationship drama, and step into this wide open space, into the simplicity of what is happening right now. Can you feel that without the past? Without the psychological assumptions? Go ahead and cry, but keep looking…is that really attached to the sensation, or does the mind want to complicate and make special what might otherwise pass right through, without fanfare?

Perhaps we could use the more neutral term, “conditioning,” simply pointing to the mind’s tendency to conceptualize and add identity to every experience. Just notice the tendency.

This is not to suggest that the past be ignored, suppressed, or altered in any way. Nor is it a suggestion to “get over it.” It is instead, a way to be free of the past, free of the idea of “damaged goods.” Maybe you are not that. Maybe you are something far grander and not limited, or wedded to, any psychological definition of what hell might look like. Heaven is found right here, right now. There is nowhere else to look.

This Be the Verse

By Philip Larkin

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

 

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

 

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself.

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Diary of a So-Called Facilitator

In the beginning…there was a facilitator…who wanted to get it right, wanted to help. Fairly soon, the facilitator disappeared, along with any sense of personal agency, any intention of getting it right or wrong, and most surprisingly, the audacity of “wanting to help.”

Then there was the experience of no facilitator or facilitated, only a spirit of willingness engendered. But still, there seemed to be “results.” Eventually, results also fell by the wayside, were rendered absurd. To paraphrase an old Chinese parable, “Results; no results, who’s to say?”

Then there was the experience of “God dressed in drag,” with every new face that showed up on the Skype screen. There was no longer the one who had-it-then-lost-it, or the one who is working through the core story, and so on. There was only the One Thing, showing up in various costumes. Distinctions fell away “out there.”

Now (only always now), there is no one left, “out there” to talk to. The one who used to think she was a facilitator is talking to no one but OneSelf, like a hologram, but not quite. Just talking happening; listening, too. Faces blur; awareness shines through. Appearances come and go.

The inquiries dissolve appearances. Not to belabor the obvious (is it?), but unfindable means there’s nothing here, nothing there. Nothing. But the movie projector keeps on rolling, much to the spectator’s delight.

A whole lotta nothing going on.

“God looked upon everything he had made, and he was very pleased.”

Look, now, and be very pleased. Rest as the looker and the looked upon.

 

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The Unfindable Inquiry as an Incredibly Efficient Tool

After participating as both facilitater and facilitated, many, many times, I’ve come to see that it is almost indescribable how incredibly powerful the inquiry is as a transformational tool. I am continually and increasingly amazed at the efficacy of meeting and seeing through every kind of circumstance, emotion, identification—heck, there isn’t anything that can’t be rendered transparent or unfindable. It is a way of bringing awareness itself to the task at hand, whatever that may be.

And bringing presence to bear is the key to all of it. Addiction? Neither the addict nor the one with willpower to quit can be found. Surrender to that higher power. Relationship issues? The issues themselves are unfindable, but allowing presence to meet the emotions engendered changes everything. Money as a problem? It’s not the money, nor the value of objects, people, or services at issue, but the inability, if not the impossibility, of being positional on matters of value or worth. If that sounds strange or counterintuitive, try looking for the unworthy and/or the valuable. All such distinctions disappear in the gentle light of inquiry.

After sitting with what seemed to be a very uncomfortable sensation with another facilitator recently, it was amazing to watch the mind try to add drama, story, labels, and self-importance over and over again to what was ultimately only a sensation that came and went. The surprising thing was that what showed up didn’t necessarily seem like a loving presence. It felt completely impersonal. A friend recently described the inquiry as “efficient.” That nails the way the experience unfolded. It’s like the homeostasis of the body, an incredibly efficient system. I had an image of white blood cells, hands to imaginary mouths, crying, “Oh, no!” and rushing off in a panic to the nearest point of infection. The body doesn’t work that way. Life doesn’t work that way. In this, the inquiries are effective in the same way that a completely calm nurse or EMT enters into a catastrophic situation. It’s get ‘er done, without much fanfare. That kind of equanimity is a rare kind of love.
Much Ado About Nothing ~ Shakespeare

 

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On Accepting Donations for the Inquiry

There is and has always been a great deal of discussion, intense, identity-charged argument actually, around the issue of charging money for—whatever you want to call this. I wouldn’t call what we’re doing with the inquiries offering “enlightenment” services, or dharma, or truth. or freedom. Again, whatever you want to call it, if you’re involved in the nondual community, you’ll know what the arguments are.

  • No one should have to pay for freedom, the truth, etc.
  • Teachers, Facilitators, Healers, etc. need to pay the bills, too.
  • Give freely what is freely available to all.
  • If the service is valued, then payment is given accordingly.
  • Get a job, Son. The truth will take care of itself.
  • Do you as a facilitator value your own time?

There are differing opinions on how this plays out amongst teachers, facilitators, and healers themselves. After careful and heartfelt consideration there is no place for me to hang my hat on this one. Can’t say “money is only energy,” or “the truth is not for sale,” or even “the universe will provide,” with any certainty, because I don’t have a handle on truth in this, or any other matter, and opinions are of dubious substance if not ultimately divisive and tend towards the realm of separation.

I could say, “I don’t have or make very much money,” but how much I have or make is not anybody else’s problem. And how much I, or you, have to spend is relative and subject to change. And when it comes to money, there’s no telling how much is enough. Sometimes the rent gets paid, sometimes that can’t be achieved—such is the case for both providers and clients.

I could say, “An hour of my time has value,” but the relativity of that statement is immediately apparent, is it not? There is no fixed, no gold standard for services of this kind, and value is in most cases could or should be more accurately determined by the recipient rather than those who offer the service.

So the policy here, lightly held, is that donations are welcomed to the extent that you, the “consumer,” value not only the service provided, but in direct proportion to the value you place on your own time, a statement or commitment to your own investment in the experience. “No one will be turned away due to inability to pay,” is the standard set by Scott and the Living Realization crew, and is, and always has been, upheld here. It’s your call. Let the argument be settled in your own heart; and may your own pocketbook and heart, be full–irrespective of what is decided there.

Feel free to weigh in on the conversation. Comments are always welcome.

 

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Can You Find the Phony?

We spend our whole lives trying to be something we’re not. That is the state of human relations, in a nutshell. Everyone is a phony; otherwise known as the false self, because it is, well, not real. At some level this is always known. It is the creepy background that clouds all our interactions with others. This is why we seek approval relentlessly, why we are in continual need of validation. Because whomever we think we are is a fiction that we’re making up as we go along. We desperately want others to believe our story because in our hearts we know it’s not true, but seemingly, our survival as a person with an identity depends upon its acceptance. Some spend their entire lives looking outside of themselves for this acceptance. We call them extroverts. Others hide, or hole up and keep to themselves, so that their fragile/flimsy self image will not be challenged. We call them introverts.

The need to convince others that we are who we think we are is an aspect of what Alan Watts calls “the unsolvable problem.” Even if we manage to convince, there is always this lurking terror of being discovered. So in relationship, as a survival tactic, we must necessarily withhold some part of ourselves, and we must also pretend to be a certain way, to the point of exhaustion. And so the trouble begins. This is perhaps what is meant by Byron Katie’s phrase, “No two people ever met.” Phonies get married and then unavoidably, yet understandably, end up miserable. We also become, or feel as if we are, inadequate parents under the same ruse.

Essentially, the deficient self is the phony self. The deficient self is what Scott Kiloby calls that persistent sense of not being enough, not being lovable or likeable, of being inauthentic and dishonest. It is a doorway. Try to find the phony, the impostor, the wizard behind the curtain. You are not that. You are ultimately and utterly free–free of pretension, free of the fear of intimacy, free of the fear of betrayal and abandonment.

That sense of inauthenticity is the source of fear behind the mask, and how the fear of failure is born. Do the inquiry on the phony, whether he parades as a wizard or a cowardly lion. Take off the mask and be fearlessly authentic. You don’t have to pretend to be anything any more. You can simply be.

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Relationship and the Unfindable Self; Movements in the Mind

“See all suffering, doubts, questions, problems, issues, imagined attainments and losses as movements in the mind. The are all thought generated. Apart from thoughts, those things have no existence whatsoever. Nail this insight completely. Do not move from this until it is absolutely clear. There is nothing wrong with the body, mind, world or other people at any time. Fighting with those things is completely futile. All problems are the mind’s labels, judgments and interpretations. We must see that all problems are sustained and created by the mind which is fabricating them. That is one aspect. Believing the thoughts to be true is where the real bondage arises, because if you do not believe them, they have no power. But first you need to clearly see what you are dealing with—thoughts, pure and simple.” ~ John Wheeler, Right Here, Right Now.

“…nothing wrong with the body, mind, world or other people at any time.” Come join in the conversation at our newly-created Facebook group: Relationship and the Unfindable Self, where we discuss the inquiries developed by Scott Kiloby, and how they can be used to see relationship as that everyday, unavoidable and inevitable experience which points back to our true nature, and away from the notion of the separate, isolated individual. You know, the one with the problems…another thought believed.

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Can you find time, anywhere? Is that your hand?

The UI is good for investigating, looking into everyday identifications, conflicts, and beliefs about yourself and the world, as listed in this previous post. There are also “objects” to look for that you might not have considered, such as time and the body.

Can you find the past? Maybe a memory comes up, or a sensation in the body. Look and see; is that it? What about the future? It most often shows up as a sense of expectation, dread, waiting, or even a vague feeling of “not yet,” also seemingly located somewhere in the body. There can also be a slight, but otherwise unconscious, turn of the eyes as if the future is over there. Is that it?

When you focus on the body, is there anything in any physical sensation that signifies ownership? If you look at your hands, or feel tension in your chest, is there something there that clearly says “mine?” Are those hands owned, or are they merely observed?

Questions about the nature of time can be hashed over and over by the mind endlessly, to no satisfying conclusion. Even if you come up with a provisional answer, nothing is really known for sure. And is there an unquestioned belief or the assumption that “I am this body?” The Unfindable Inquiry is an experience, not a concept. Go beyond words, beyond the mind, and see for yourself, if you’re curious. It’s pretty trippy. Try it and see.